


Pain in My Heart

by cadkitten



Category: Penicillin (Band), the GazettE
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst, Character Death, Cumshot, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Suicide, Violence, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-08
Updated: 2008-11-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:47:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakuei knows what Uruha's been doing behind his back and it's about to break him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain in My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [i_love_hide](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=i_love_hide).



> For i_love_hide, who requested this pairing off of jrock_ffrequest.  
> Sappy/dirty sex. Heartbreak and sadness and all that depressing stuff is always fantabulous in my book. ^_^ Suicide's alright too if you feel like it. Because fics that make me cry are ♥.  
> Also for prompt 0012: Pain (prompt_rotation), prompt 04: Gun(s) (Beautiful Victims), and prompt 06: Murder, Suicide (RuThLeSs KiLlErS)  
> Beta Readers: elyachan, ladydeathfaerie  
> Song[s]: "Creep" by Echostream

Hakuei POV

Sometimes, I just wish I understood. I want to know what he's thinking when he does this, when he goes out and hangs out with all those people, flirting with half of them behind my back. It's like he doesn't know how much it hurts me... or he doesn't care. Maybe that makes it worse - that he might know and not care.

In reality, I've given up on hoping he'll be faithful to me, that I'll be enough sexually to please him. He's a bit of a whore and I knew that when I stepped into this relationship. And yet... that doesn't make it any easier in my mind.

I don't really even notice when the glass of my beer bottle slips from my hand and hits the carpeted floor with a thud. It's not important, not even on my radar. I turn away from the crowd and exit the smoke-filled bar, stumbling my way back to our apartment. It's not far... not even two blocks. I guess that's why he goes there so often... why I end up following him each and every time.

I barely make it back home before I feel like I'm going to pass out. Bile rises in my throat and I remember that I need water almost desperately. Somehow, I manage to grab a bottle and drink half of it before I end up with my clothing strewn down the hallway and into my bedroom.

Collapsing on the bed, I stare up at the ceiling, feeling more than a bit sorry for myself. Tonight was a lanky red-head for Uruha. And for me... it was only another stab in my already bloody heart. I wonder if he'll bring the guy home, like he's done in the past - if he'll fuck him in the spare bedroom and try to clean it up before morning.

It's almost as if I knew what was going to happen. The front door opens and I hear their voices drift to me through the otherwise silent apartment. The red-head is talking of how he wants to make Uruha scream for him... and my baby is begging him to hurry up.

I shudder, turning on my side and watching as the bottle of water I was holding falls over and liquid begins to seep out onto the bed. The door's open and I know that means he'll know I'm here... if he bothers to look. But he won't.

Something falls to the ground and shatters, causing Uruha to curse softly. But moments later, I can hear the sounds of clothing hitting the ground, the soft moans of my lover singing through the air.

Coldness creeps into my heart and I close my eyes, imagining it's us making those noises, that I'm the one causing him to moan so wantonly. I used to be... once upon a time, I was.

_My eyes glitter with pleasure as I pull back from a particularly heated kiss and lick my lips. I taste like him... I taste like my blonde baby._

_He grins at me and reaches out, grasping my belt-loops and yanking me closer to him. I can feel his erection pressing at me through his pants and I gasp, my nipples hardening beneath my t-shirt. The first signs of arousal flood my body and I know tonight is going to be the night I end up in bed with the love of my life._

_His fingers fumble with my jeans, finally getting them open and then pushing them down my legs as I lean against the wall, my face flushed and my body trembling from the effort of holding back. He's not my first - far from it - but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like this is something different... something special._

_He trails heated kisses down my skin until he reaches my sex. With skill like I've never known before, he takes me in his mouth, sucking until I'm fully hard, until my blood boils in my veins and I'm crying out like a fifty-cent whore. His head moves, blonde hair framing his perfect face as he looks up at me, watching as he blows me._

_My hands lift to his head, holding him in place as I thrust wantonly into his mouth. And he lets me, completely without complaint. When I feel like I can't take it anymore, I pull away, motioning him to his feet. "Let me..." I whisper, knowing he'll understand what I mean._

Tears form in my eyes and I clutch onto the comforter as if it can help me keep my emotions locked inside.

I can hear the red-head panting, moaning over the sounds of my Uruha and I don't like it. I want him to shut up, to stop being so loud that I can barely pretend.

The tears spill over, my heart aching as I draw my legs in closer to my body and wish like hell I weren't really here.

_He walks to my bedroom, not even hesitating in taking off his clothes, leaving them in a trail behind him down the hall. I follow him, obediently, with stars in my eyes._

The instant we're in my room, he tugs me down on the bed, spreading his legs and whispering to me in that sultry voice of his. He tells me he doesn't need any preparation, to just take him.

When I thrust into his body, his scream fills the room and I can't hold back, pushing myself in and then pulling right back out a moment later. My breathing becomes labored, my heart pounding in my chest as I move over him, taking everything I've always wanted from him.

I watch as his fingers wrap around his neglected cock and begin to stroke. He's so beautiful like that... so perfect. His actions only speed up my need for release, pushing me closer to the edge with every second.

Almost without warning, I feel the world come to a stop and then go hurtling forward, my release painting his insides in brilliant white. He follows me over, his body clenching and then his cry echoing in my ears as his cum spurts out over his abdomen.

When I pull out, I just move to lay beside him, tugging him with me so I don't have to let go. "I... I love you." The words I never thought I'd say, pouring from my lips.

I hear Uruha's cry as he cums, the sound of it so obvious to me after four years. My eyes fly open and my heart, in that instant, freezes solid. I loved him, I loved him so much. And after all this time, he still doesn't love me back.

Without even thinking about what I'm doing, I get up and go through my top drawer, finding that velvet-lined case. The pain in my heart seems to make the rest of me ache. I feel like I'm numb and in agony at the same time, like I'm not really even me.

Smooth metal graces my palm and I slowly load my gun. I've only used it once before, just to practice at the range the day I bought it. I didn't like it... didn't like the power it gave me. But I never had the heart to get rid of it. Maybe this was why.

With a sigh, I click the hammer back and leave the bedroom, tears still running freely down my cheeks. The fact that I'm naked doesn't even matter. Even the way I'm swaying on my feet doesn't seem to stop me in my goal to reach my baby and his newfound lover.

I find them in the hallway, the red-head still pounding into my blonde sweetheart, his breathing labored and the way he's doing it telling me he's close.

I just stand there, watching, the gun aimed at his head. Uruha doesn't notice, his eyes are closed and he's just moaning every few seconds to goad the guy into finishing. I wait until the guy tenses, that deep cry of pleasure leaving his lips and I know he's cumming inside the love of my life. It's then that I pull the trigger, not just once, but again and again until they're both lying on the floor and blood is pooling around them.

The red-head doesn't even move. But my baby... my baby is screaming. I watch as blood seeps from his lips and his eyes find mine. "I loved you... I loved you so much," I whisper as he chokes on the crimson fluid, his eyes begging me to do something other than what I am.

I wait until he's gone, until those brown eyes gloss over with the silence of death and then I close my eyes, letting the tears trace hot paths down my cheeks. Slowly, I raise the gun to my temple and cock it one last time. "But you never loved me." Even as I'm pulling the trigger, I hear the door slam open and I know I've been caught. But they're too late, the bullet flying through the chamber already. For the last second of my life, I realize something - this moment... is the happiest I've ever been.

 **The End**  
*gurgles* I was in a foul mood... urg. I hope murder, suicide was okay.  



End file.
